The Year in Review 2009

By E.M. Kabak

It was the year of foreclosures the stimulus bill
The year that TARP had a giant refill
The year of  job losses clean out your credenza
And open the door and In Flew Enza

The year of Chinese and Russian new ties
When Obama awakened with the Nobel Peace Prize
While half the world was chasing a grogger
The FTC began chasing bloggers
Was that blogger paid for a favorable review
Of that horrible film of alien swine flu?

While we who worry re weight loss advertising
Though it isn’t typical saw our pounds downsizing
Some one in this biz must still play the fool
Those paying large fines for the telemarketing sales rule

How can I say this or make it more plain
Something is wrong in the woods of Maine
They’re much too busy catching animals with claws
While passing unconstitutional laws

Must marketers to minors get parental consent
What kind of message to the economy’s thus sent?
Even trapped muskrats let out a squeal
Please let me go and that law be repealed
With PMA’s help,the tide was turned
Industry’s concerns were no longer spurned
For on reflection the Court doth see
The law was invalid- so agreed the AG

The California laws for continuity accruals
Require clear consent for auto renewals
Is this another legislative trend
That we are seeing around the bend
But no dm should have to repent
If they’ve secured advance marketing consent

When the economy’s tight what’s that saber rattle
Our most prestigious brands in full battle
More comparative ad claims and more legal fees
For cases in court and with NAD

But it’s always this way when the e-con-o-my
Contracts and litigators once caged are set free
They get their jollies and find relief
Only when filing a 50 page brief

Now the FTC seeks new interdictions
From an expansion of its jurisdiction
Looking for more rulemaking authority
And Sec 5 civ penalties under law mais oui

Doth the FCC seek more jurisdiction over cable and the internet
Product placements and children’s marketing NOI place your bet!

We live in an age of increased regulation
Which may cause some here a regurgitation
Among those who prefer less checking ad clearance
And surely less government interference

To those we say get used to the flak
The pendulum swings forth and the pendulum swings back

Did gift card marketers realize their fears
The Credit Card Act says in less than 5 years
A general pre-paid card may not expire
At least ‘til the next election sang the choir

But on this subject there’s some good cheer
Reynolds v Phillip Morris the case of the year
Where on pack proofs of purchase for Marboro Miles
Are not gift certificates so the industry smiles
But loyalty points which to no one’s ire
Eventually and by their terms shall expire

For environmental claims what now defines green
The FTC report is soon to be seen
While targeted advertising no longer waits
For industry self reg- this year bore its dates

For sweepstakes and contests and games of skill
The Commonwealth of Puerto Rico withdrew its (bitter) pill
And balancing risk against participation
Now makes it easier to include in the nation
Of those who are eligible for sweepstakes entry
all people and groupings it’s that elementary

While all these changes were simmering and brewing
the legal industry itself was stewing
the new class of hires was surely preferred
but its entry date ahem ahem now must be deferred

The dollar is dropping but exports are rising
The US economy is slowly reviving
So let’s not complain let there be no whining
In every cloud there’s a platinum lining
Promotion now with its metrics and meters
grows steadily while the rest of the world teeters

An industry which does not need cooption
And does not require a public option
It’s not deceptive surely not unfair
To say that promotions will always be there
Along with our bar creative and clever
As tough as nails and feisty forever
This claim for sure needs no substantiation
It all goes back to the time of creation
For what’s the big bang but an act of commotion
For the birth of the earth – a celestial promotion!